Too often, we think the thoughts and memories in our mind represent reality. They are incredibly helpful tools, but they are illusions that represent our focus. Some people think they are so real, they refuse to change them, even if they cause them pain. If past memories cause you pain, you have every right to change how you interpret them. It is your mind and you have no reason to allow them to hurt you. This is not the same as ignoring the past; it just means you have the ability to change your mind, so you are in a better place to deal with it.
We often bury unfinished business in our body because we are afraid or unable to deal with it. At the root of this pain, there is often your Conditioned Self dealing with the situation. To reprogram your past, you can imagine your Conscious Self in that same situation, dealing with it consciously and completely. In my work, I have often seen this reconditioning relieve the pain. If you look at that pain as a marker that shows you where unfinished business is, you can go back and recondition that program from your Conscious Self’s perspective.
For example, the memory of your father hitting you still exists. Instead of your Conditioned Self burying it in your body, your Conscious Self can consciously deal with it. In your memory, your father did hit you; your Conscious Self can express your emotions about it, instead of burying them. That means you will not have to carry the negative feelings around with you any longer. Possible forgiveness can free you from them.
It is said in psychology that we cannot change anything we identify with. It is hard for most people not to identify with the thoughts and memories in their mind. Think of your mind as a bio-computer. You are not the computer or any of its programs; you are the consciousness that operates the computer. It is easy to identify with the programs in your bio-computer because it is easy to think that it is you. Remember, you are the consciousness and not the programs. That means that you can delete and organize a program the way you want it to be. This would seem impractical, but if your life depends on it, it is an easy choice.
There is a concept I call mind pollution and when it clears up, like with air pollution, you can breathe easier. You have every right to create a mind that doesn’t pollute your perspective. You still are responsible for your place and actions in the external world, but a clear breath is how you connect to a spiritual reality. That is your utmost priority. When that connection happens, you are more in the moment to be responsible.