How Love Shapes Our Character

Talking about love, because it is so vast and so subtle, is hard to capture in words. This article attempts to share the view of how love is communicated in a relationship. Read and interpret this into your life, for the ideas will not be helpful until they manifest within you.

How many times have you said “I love you” to a variety of people? Though there are many levels of love, the words are the same. Your self-image represents you to yourself and others. It is the combination of past conditioning and experiences. We think to our self-image, which shapes our interpretations of our life. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control our interpretations.

In a loving relationship, if communications come from your positive self-image directed to a positive self-image in the one you share love with, love is easily given and received A positive self spontaneously comes to the moment with no baggage from the past. If communications come from or are received from the conditioned self-image, which is the blend of all the habits developed in your life, communications can be difficult. When sharing or receiving love, it is important to be free from your past, so you can share the moment together.

For instance, if you are dealing with a person who is enraged, they are probably not connected to their positive self. If you communicate to their positive self and treat them with the respect that comes from the positive self, they will change their focus and accept who you are talking to.

When you are looking for something, being clear about what you are looking for makes it easier to find. That clarity focuses you as other perceptions move to the background. You have to “experience” pure love before you find it and pass it on to others. If you are a parent, you have to experience this love within before you can develop it in your children. If it is not clear inside you, they will get a mixed message. By parents’ love and attention, the self-image of a child is developed.

The following points are issues you need to consider to make your love clear and focused. We will look at how your self-image and self-trust affect the way you love.

First, you need to develop a conscious self-image. Because we think to our self-image, thinking to a conscious, positive self helps you to be sensitive to a genuine love. Thinking to a habitual, negative self combines all your past conditioning into your love. This means that, if you grew up in a dysfunctional home, that dysfunction affects your ability to express quality love. With a conscious self-image, many qualities of loving are affected. E.g., confidence allows your love to flow without passing through mental censoring.

Second, self-trust is also something you can consciously condition. We trust what is important to us. Love determines what is important and trust opens the door to inner resources, what I call the Wisdom of the Body. By simple love, trust and inner wisdom our life is full and we can consciously deal with any challenge.

Third, a sense of humor is important, especially when it is about you. Looking at yourself from that perspective takes the seriousness/heaviness out of simple love. Too often, people get very self-conscious and judgmental about themselves and how they love. Looking through the perspective that makes you smile helps free you from the heaviness of that kind of judgment. When you do not have to carry the heaviness with love, it can float through you with ease.

Fourth, intellectual understanding frees you from a personal perspective like, “I don’t believe in love.” When you can look at love from another point of view, it can expand the way you look at it. Sharing with other people, especially in an open and intimate way, can also change you. The important word in that last sentence is ‘open,’ because you are open to change.

Fifth, reconditioning the past allows you to have a correction process to heal from when you got hurt in past loving relationships. A simple way you can recondition the past is to use imagery to relive the experience from a different point of view. For instance, if you had a negative self-image in your past interactions, relive that experience from a positive self-image.

When you can imagine your self-image loving in that situation, capture it in a word or phrase that brings you back to the experience. Next time you feel you are slipping into the negative perspective, say that trigger and be open to the new experience. Our body responds to imagery. It can be memories, dreams or conscious imagery. The body does not know the difference. Saying that trigger can instantly change the channel and give you a new perspective.

It is important to have this change happen in the sub-conscious mind. The way you do that is that before you go to sleep, develop imagery of loving from your positive self. The doors to your sub-conscious are open at that time. That trigger becomes a way to visit that in your everyday life. If you are in an awkward situation, just by saying the trigger, you can revisit that loving experience.

Another way you can experience love is to be attracted to a spiritual point of view. In a spiritual moment, the old, conditioned you does not exist. That gives you the freedom to aspire to a higher consciousness. When you are not attached to your old, conditioned self, loving is a beautiful way for transformation. In every religion, loving God or a higher power is a great way to have love flow past the clutter of negative experiences.

These points of loving already exist within you, for it is the natural way wisdom loves. By limiting what blocks you from wisdom’s perspective, you allow for real love to manifest. Love is not the expression of intellect; it comes from a depth referred to as your heart and uses every part of you to express itself. Thinking can be loves expression, just as ego and healing can be. Actions as well as emotions and humor can be love’s expression when that precious part of you is in control. Without love, every other expression comes from a disconnected ego. When love is your priority the quality of life is higher than your disconnected ego’s priority. It is completely up to you to control that and appreciate the best part of you.

© 2015 Marc Lerner

Love shapes our character. This article is expanded upon in the book The Positive Self: Change Your Self-Image and You Change Your Life. You can find it along with Marc’s other books on Amazon/  The other books go into depth about our health and approaching the end of life from the positive self-image’s perspective.


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