My Handicaps-Part Three

After 33 years with my illness (MS), here are my handicaps and the lessons
they taught me.
1.      I am legally blind
2.      Poor balance; My legs are often weak and give out, resulting in a
3.      I have short term memory problems
4.      Pain, primarily following brain surgery for trigeminal neuralgia

Now let me share the lessons these handicaps showed me.
In this blog, I will discuss my memory problems.

3.      I have short-term memory problems

All greatness is achieved while performing outside your comfort zone.
-Greg Arnold-

Memories can recall negative events or positive events, but comfort
needs more than memory to manifest.  Comfort from a memory may improve the
quality of your life, but your feeling is in the moment. One symptom of MS I
have is short-term memory loss.  I would feel the urge to panic when my
memory failed me, but in panic I lost a connection to an inner beauty I was
not willing to give up.

When my memory failed me and I felt anger and panic approaching, I
learned how to reframe my situation.  Instead of viewing it through the eyes
of panic and anger, I saw my memory loss as if I was trapped in the moment.
The past was the past and in the moment I could find the wonders of silence.
This gave me a spiritual connection that took me to a depth where I felt
connected to God.  None of the memories of the past could compare to the
moment, for memories are a part of the mind-made reality we surrender to.
In the moment, in silence, my surrender was incredible.

I also see the tendency we have to constantly share our past
conditionings with others.  Now not all past conditioning is bad, but the
beauty of the moment is we can share with others a love that does not have
our past entwined into it.  When the negative experiences of past
relationships appear in the way we share with others, the quality of our
love is compromised.  But when we can surrender in silence, within
ourselves, love is never compromised.

Recently, I was in Hospice for three months. In the previous year, I
had written a book, The End: A Creative Approach to Death, (Amazon/Kindle),
where I included poetry as a way to include my right brain and creativity.
While in Hospice, I wrote a book of poems, A Poetic View of Hospice,
(Amazon/Kindle), trying to capture the predicament I was in.


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