After 33 years with my illness (MS), here are my handicaps and the lessons
they taught me.
1. I am legally blind
2. Poor balance; My legs are often weak and give out, resulting in a
3. I have short term memory problems
4. Pain, primarily following brain surgery for trigeminal neuralgia
Now let me share the lessons these handicaps showed me.
In this blog, I will discuss my poor balance.
2. Poor balance; my legs are often weak and give out, resulting in many
To meet this challenge successfully, I had to grow. I conditioned
my mind to swim every day in an unheated pool. I lived in Santa Monica,
California near the ocean, but the temperature of the water could get down
to 60 degrees. So, rain or shine, I programmed my mind to go swimming.
Then I tried to walk at least four blocks a day, but when it rained, I did
yoga. I considered what would happen if I did not do that exercise; I would
be unable to walk. Walking or swimming was not a big price to pay. Often,
my neighbors thought it was because I was dedicated to exercising, but my
strongest motivation was that I could not picture myself unable to walk.
My mobility is very important to me, so in desperation, I strive to
exercise. Let me share with you how this desperation helped me learn to
program my body. I thought of my body as a Bio-Computer. My awareness was
my input to this computer and my will helped me to program this computer.
So when input, or what I perceived, entered the Bio-Computer, it entered the
way I programmed my mind. When I trusted the wisdom of my body, the input
was corrected by the program it went through. Let me give you an example of
how I used this:
Once, when my walking was difficult, I programmed my mind by imaging
a straight and strong walk. During this weak time, my left leg seemed to
swing out, like a bow on every step. I was walking with a cane and
sometimes when my left leg bowed out, I would kick my cane and most probably
fall. So before I went to sleep and then again in the morning when I awoke,
I imaged a walk where my legs moved in straight steps. I did this imaging
before sleep and upon awakening, because those were the times when the doors
to my subconscious were open. My imagery programmed my subconscious mind.
Then once the mind was programmed with straight steps, the awareness of how
I was walking entered the Bio-Computer and was corrected. Somehow, when my
awareness flowed through the straight walking program, my body corrected my
I had to do that several times to correct new versions of this
handicap. Each time a correction happened, I knew it came from the wisdom of
my body and I felt a deeper connection to that wisdom. This type of
correction happened several times. Once, I programmed running on the beach,
but that is not a cure for M.S. Over time, no matter how much exercise I
did, or how my brain was programmed, MS still limited my walking.
Unfortunately, after 25 years of this struggle, I had to use a wheelchair.
Being able to use my body in this way, gave me the ability to preside over
my body and better my life. This is what I call a healthy way to be sick.
Think about something in your life you want to change. By
simply programming your mind, you would be able to preside over your body
and program whatever you wish to do. Wouldn’t the Bio-Computer be a useful
tool? If a society was able to correct all of the unconscious programs in
their minds and accept with compassion what they could not change, so much
more human energy could be focused on family, productive work, spiritual
pursuits and simply accepting inner wisdom.
Recently, I was in Hospice for three months. In the previous year, I
had written a book, The End: A Creative Approach to Death, (Amazon/Kindle),
where I included poetry as a way to include my right brain and creativity.
While in Hospice, I wrote a book of poems, A Poetic View of Hospice,
(Amazon/Kindle), trying to capture the predicament I was in.